We live in strange times. Politics makes me physically ill and over exposure to the news is affecting my sleep. Social media used to be a salvation, but these days… Facebook account was deactivated long ago, Insta is 99% adverts, Mastadon confuses me and I have no idea what TikTok is.
Twitter is still there, clinging on by it’s fingertips despite its owner being a world class bellend. I will always have a weakness for Twitter. In the recesses of my personal history it has been responsible for too many positives and opportunities to avoid more pressing matters. So, when renaissance man of Twitter @StaggerLee30 decided to carry out his own version of the Sight & Sound greatest movies of all time poll, I was in.
A doddle I thought. An absolute breeze I said. Give me five minute and I’ll knock out my top ten movies of all time. That’s where the trouble started.
It has been a trying year, for many reasons, so this should have been a welcome distraction from the trials and tribulations of real life. However, what followed was three weeks of hand wringing, indecision, doubt and a ‘long list’ that kept getting longer. Correction: keeps getting longer.
I also set myself a rule: one film per director. With the benefit of hindsight I realise it was madness doing this at the ‘long list’ stage, but it did at least prevent it from getting into the hundreds.
On submitting my final list, I was immediately gripped with crippling self doubt. On a different day it may well have been a completely different ten. I have a note on my phone that I look at constantly, trying to justify my choices. I think I may have suffered a minor breakdown.
So here we are. I have re-opened this once abandoned blog to justify my own terrible decisions. And because I love you, you can share my pain.
The top ten films of all time, apparently…
10. Lost in Translation – Sofia Coppola
We watched this again quite recently and I’m beginning to think my list is upside down. Should this have been my number one? I find it hard to talk about this film without getting emotional and I’m not sure why. I mean it looks amazing, Bill Murray is at his most funny and charming, Scarlett Johanssen has never looked more beautiful or enigmatic, the soundtrack is just perfect. Yet it isn’t any of these things that make me love it so much. At heart it is a simple tale of two people at a crossroads in their life, beginning to regret some of their choices and finding comfort and solace in a likeminded soul. It is this that resonates with me more than anything. If we look into our own past we have all felt like that right?
9. Sorcerer – William Friedkin
So why Sorcerer? Why not the French Connection? Why not The Exorcist? Both incredible and highly acclaimed films by the same director. So why choose this ill feted remake of a genuine classic (The Wages of Fear) which was a massive flop on it’s release? I’ll tell you why… this is genuinely one of the most tense and gripping films I have ever seen. As four desperate characters transport two lorry loads of nitroglycerin across 200 miles of Ecuadorean jungle, it will shred your nerves to pieces. Also, I think Roy Scheider was one of the most underrated actors of his generation and in this he gives a powerful sweat soaked performance. As I understand it, making this film very nearly broke William Friedkin, and I can see why.
8. Once up on a Time in the West – Sergio Leone
I love a good western me, I grew up on them. I especially loved staying up late on a Friday to watch Spaghetti Westerns. They seemed so edgy, with Clint Eastwood or Franco Nero wandering around the dessert being cool to an Ennio Morricone soundtrack. Sergio Leone’s masterpiece, Once Upon a Time in the West though, that was something else. Even at a very young age I knew this was something special. The opening scene of three gunmen waiting for a train, goes on too long in a good way, building tension captured in every drop of sweat on the faces of Jack Elam and Woody Strode. Casting Henry Fonda against type as evil villain of the piece Frank, was a stroke of genius. Those eyes have never looked more menacing. It is debatable whether this is really my favourite Western, that changes daily, but it is certainly the most cinematic and surpasses it’s genre conventions in every way.
7. The Thing – John Carpenter
John Carpenter did his best work when he was on a shoestring budget. Prince of Darkness is brilliant and that appeared to have been made on nothing more than good will and hope. Nonetheless, there was a sweet spot in the early 80s when they entrusted him with a reasonable budget and he was able to deliver genuine thrills and chills. Like so many of Carpenters films, it nods towards Howard Hawks ‘Rio Bravo’, as a tale of men trapped and unable to escape while fending off existential threats. ALL the money went on Rob Bottin’s incredible special effects, creating one of the greatest movie monsters of all time. Kurt Russell leads a fine ensemble cast of B movie heavies and weirdos delivering a script that isn’t without humour. Favourite line: “I don’t know what it is but it’s weird and pissed off”.
6. Apocalypse Now – Francis Ford Coppola
Finally you say, it’s one of those classic films chosen by ‘boys’ of a certain age. Yep. And I have stuck it in anyway. I have watched just about every cut of this movie over the years; the Redux version clocks in at nearly three and a half hours! Ostensibly it’s Heart of Darkness transposed to the darkest days of Vietnam. It is the sheer scale of ambition that knocks me sideways. There was no handy green screen for this insanity. Nope they went to the Philippines with a doorstep of a script by crazy John Milius and went to war. It’s a weird psychedelic journey, like Alice in Wonderland with napalm, endlessly quotable with one of the bleakest endings imaginable. Strap in for the ride.
5. Naked – Mike Leigh
Talking of bleak, this small film is as bleak as it gets, it’s success resting entirely on a career best performance by David Thewlis. He is mesmerising and terrifying in equal measure. He plays Johnny, who runs away to London from Manchester following, looks up an ex-girlfriend and has long, strange conversations with everyone he meets. Intense, dark and relentless as he expounds on his personal philosophies and pet conspiracies, his nihilistic attitude feels oddly prescient. I can remember the film ending, the credits rolling and being unable to speak. The entire audience left in silence. A brutal film.
4. Withnail and I – Bruce Robinson
Let’s lighten up a bit with this evergreen classic. Bruce Robinson hasn’t made many films; in fairness many of them are patchy, but with this film on my CV I would have taken it easy for the next few decades as well. This tale of two poverty stricken unemployed actors bumbling about London, drinking themselves senseless before taking an Ill advised road trip to the Lake District is one of the most quotable movies of all time; you can probably quote half the film back to me without breaking sweat. Richard E Grant’s career defining performance is genuinely hilarious. If you’ve not seen this film, don’t speak to me until you have sorted yourself out.
3. Casablanca – Michael Curtiz
Sticking with quotable films, this is the mother-load. I once had a conversation with someone who claimed never to have watched Casablanca yet could quote me half the movie. I know it’s kind of cheesy but some films just defy their limitations to become something greater than the sum of its parts. There really should have been a sequel, with Humphrey Bogart and Claude Rains as a yin/yang double act getting into scrapes and solving crimes. It really should have been the start of a beautiful friendship.
2. Oh Lucky Man – Lindsey Anderson
The second film in Anderson’s loose trilogy, featuring Malcom McDowell. The first was ‘If…’; it talked about revolution, burning it all down and the brutality of public school. The last was ‘Brittania Hospital’ a film that stuck its mucky fingers into 1980s politics, exposing lies and hypocrisy on all sides. However it is this second film that always sticks with me. It is a 70s set shaggy dog story following ambitious salesman and wannabe capitalist Mick Travis on a picaresque journey across the English landscape. Anderson likes to pick at scabs and expose the lie that is British cultural life. He is a true maverick and in his own quiet way a revolutionary who should be celebrated more. Oh and it has a superb soundtrack by Alan Price.
1. Jaws – Steven Spielberg
Bloody hell Phil; it’s a bit route one mate. Could have been worse. Imagine how disappointed you would have been if it was The Shawshank Redemption. Anyway, at time of going to press, Jaws is the greatest film of all time, and now I have to try and justify that decision.
At the beginning of the first lockdown we all found ourselves re-enacting The Thing, thrust together for long periods of time with little to do but watch TV. To delay the inevitable homicides I hatched a plan. We each came up with a list of films and took turns to select what we would watch together. Jaws was the first film on my list and the one that we all really enjoyed, without exception.
There are reasons why this hokey 70s summer blockbuster still stands up. Firstly it is so skilfully done. To extract so much tension and drama from three men, a boat and a mechanical shark called Bruce is frankly a miracle. Yet somehow Spielberg does it. He sprinkles his magic dust and against all odds pulls it off, inadvertently ushering in the era of the summer blockbuster.
Secondly he was blessed with a first rate cast. The interplay between Scheider, Dreyfuss and Shaw is pure alchemy. The reluctant hero, the maverick scientist and the piratical old sea dog, draw you in and make you forget you are watching a ‘rubber shark’ movie. John Williams iconic score ratchets up the tension and Spielberg’s judicious use of jump scares makes it a roller coaster of a movie.
That’s the joy of it, that’s what makes Spielberg so great. He doesn’t make films, he makes movies. Jaws is a film to watch with a bucket of popcorn and a massive Coca Cola, not a notebook and an earnest expression. There are different kinds of greatness and while he will always be seen as the great populist they doesn’t mean he isn’t a great filmmaker.
…and there it is. If you have got this far, I am truly sorry, but thanks for reading.
Happy Christmas!
Oh sorry… there is a ps. Below is the ever growing long list that haunts me dreams and now yours too. You’re welcome.
⁃ Jaws – Steven Spielberg
⁃ Underground – Emir Kusturica
⁃ Naked – Mike Leigh
⁃ Oh Lucky Man – Lindsay Anderson
⁃ Once Upon a Time in the West – Sergio Leone
⁃ The Wild Bunch – Sam Pekinpah
⁃ The Thing – John Carpenter
⁃ Assault on Precinct 13 – John Carpenter
– Funny Bones – Peter Chelsom
⁃ Inherent Vice – PT Anderson
⁃ The Darjeeling Ltd – Wes Anderson
⁃ Some Like it Hot – Billy Wilder
⁃ The Long Kiss Goodnight – Rennie Harlin
⁃ The Nice Guys – Shane Black
⁃ Apocalypse Now – Francis Ford Coppola
⁃ Mash – Robert Altman
⁃ The Host – Bong Joon-ho
⁃ Old Boy – Park Chan-wook
⁃ Casablanca – Michael Curtiz
⁃ The Third Man – Carol Reed
⁃ The Red Shoes – Michael Powell
⁃ The Colour of Money – Martin Scorcese
⁃ Sorcerer – William Friedkin
⁃ Klute – Alan J Pakula
⁃ Sleeper – Woody Allen
⁃ Once – John Carney
⁃ Withnail and I – Bruce Robinson
⁃ LA Confidential – Curtis Hanson
⁃ Lost in Translation- Sofia Coppola
⁃ The Searchers – John Ford
⁃ Red River – Howard Hawks
⁃ 3 Colours Trilogy – Krzysztof Kieslowski
⁃ Touch of Evil – Orson Welles
⁃ Seven Samurai – Akira Kurosawa
⁃ The Night of the Hunter – Charles Laughton
⁃ Rear Window – Alfred Hitchcock
⁃ Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid – George Roy Hill
⁃ The Power of the Dog – Jane Campion
⁃ Inception – Christopher Nolan
⁃ Seven – David Fincher
⁃ North by Northwest – Alfred Hitchcock
⁃ Uncut Gems – Safdie Bros
⁃ The Deerhunter – Michael Cimino
⁃ Last of the Mohicans – Michael Mann
⁃ Eat, Drink, Man, Woman – Ang Lee
⁃ Big Night – Stanley Tucci/Cambell Scott
⁃ Young Frankenstein – Mel Brooks
⁃ The Wicker Man – Robin Hardy
⁃ Evil Dead II – Sam Raimi
⁃ Bad Day at Black Rock – John Sturges
⁃ Dawn of the Dead – George A Romero
⁃ Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon – Ang Lee
⁃ 1900 – Bernardo Bertolucci
⁃ 8 1/2 – Fredrico Fellini
⁃ Fargo – Joel & Ethan Coen
⁃ Leon – Luc Besson
⁃ The Maltese Falcon – John Huston
⁃ This is Spinal Tap – Rob Reiner
– American Graffiti – George Lucas
– Gregory’s Girl – Bill Forsyth
...and Here's Tom With the Weather 